Young and Old Alike

It was such a week for romance! I was at Shul(again...)and because Matisyahu was booked for a gig at a famous Austin hot spot, he was spending Shobbas with the Rabbi. As a result, the place was packed with tons of students, fans. At dinner, I sat with my friends and their perfectly cooing baby on one side, on the other were some university students. There was one in particular, he looked young yet he came across wise like the sages. I must have confused myself, I was distracted. Was he so young or so wise? He was darling to look at, should have been my cue. He was the second child I always wanted. It's always bad news when a woman wants to mother a man, regardless of the circumstances, it's a wrong turn.

He was sitting across the table and two people over, it was a reach. Before I knew it, one thing led to another and when I found out that he had never been to a Chabad Purim Party, I suggested that he come this year. In the end, I agreed to pick him up at his COOP and take him with me to yee ole festive occasion. Purim is always fun by this Rabbi! In Texas, it seems that they really know how to party. Typically, there is a keg of Shiner just to wet your whistle. The fresh good food keeps coming out of the kitchen until the wee hours and the garage band improves with each Migillah reading, thank G-D. This year, they were as hot as a SXSW showcase. I love Chag Purim at the Rabbi's and I assured him he would too. Aside from Simchat Torah, Purim rocked the life force.

Before we took off for the party, we visited for a spell. He wanted to know more about me. I insisted that surely I was not half as interesting as he was and so I counter requested that he tell me who he was, what motivated him in life, I needed to know. There was a chemistry there and I refused to entertain the notion of combustion without more, info. The bottom line came fast, he was 21. That was all I needed to know. He said it with a shy questioning tone, as if to suggest that he was still in the running , wasn't he? Ah, no. I kept my cool though. I looked away, slightly to the left, the side of us Jews where it is believed that judgment works from and I exhaled ever so slowly, softly. He could not read me. Son of a B, a dear sweet soul.

So young and vulnerable, so much yearning, he held out for, he was a virgin. The embrace, the smoothness of skin combined, slinking through his fingers, his soft soft beard,dripping with his desires met and moist, wanting to absorb so much. I was infuriated now. There was no telling how I would choose to control myself. In real time, it is tough for me. I have no self control. In nature, I am impulsive and uninhibited, a lethal combination of para normal traits for this modern world.

Now that I am not living La Vida Torah and am a bad bad Jew, I wondered if there was a mitzvah, a good deed that I could to do to quell my urge. My urges are enormous by hormonal standards, it is a crime. For example, I never get head aches, understand what I mean? There was no anecdote for my suffering, that the plastic surgeon in my life could repair. I would have to dream of letting this sweet bundle of lust go, go away and fast. It was going to hurt him, his manhood falling to the floor in defeat, he was so dramatic and did I mention tight and clear.

At the Purim Party, we took our nosh outside and sat together in the dark. We could see a tired and frustrated parent try and discipline his son in the cool of the evening. He worked me away from the upset with a glance into his own childhood. I cannot say more now. In just he was setting up the scene for the end of the night, where I guess he imagined me parking my car and entering his space again, this time with my hand in his. Little did we know that at the end of the evening, as we were leaving the party, I was following after him.....the Rabbi's wife(a very powerful woman) pulled my ear hard to her mouth, "don't you dare touch him, he is too young for you." I did not need this harsh Torah.

I sent him a thank you note, for sharing Purim with me at Chabad. It fell on silence. My magic wore off of him. Respect a person, a man for where he is and what do I get, gornished , nothing. Just like Sal in the Yiddish version of Fun with Dick and Jane( litvids.com), he gets gornished all the time. It was something to talk about for a time. My Austin girl friends all gave me high marks for driving off that night, getting away from such youth. I am middle aged.

This young buck was not my first offer in that week of Purim. There was another man. This one flirted with me for few weeks before I caught on and made the decision to play. I liked his background, in education no less and we had that in common. We both worked with inmates, Texas inmates to be accurate. There are no finer inmates than Texas inmates. In Texas, prison is our largest hotel chain, like some old retired white man warden claims in a book. As a result, I percieve Texas inmates to be in flux, always dreaming of the next better road trip.

I was chewing well again, on the notion of sharing space. I figured we would start with a walk, a coffee at the local bleeding heart liberal coffee house in town. We would have such things to talk about, a good lock down, the infamous law suit brought by a Texas inmate, Ruiz Vs. Estelle where inmates now had rights in Texas. We would discuss much. We would discover how we chose to leave the prison system and how lucky we are to have worked there. He worked in Huntsville, I was not as lucky as he and so we would confess and share envy. He is not Jewish, by the by and so, my rich fantasy life was soring out of this world. How would I explain this I thought, as done in prison, with concrete thinking, man woman need want, dosen't sound Jewish.

It went along this way. We talked about going on a road trip to Huntsville to visit the Prison Museum there. He lives right by me and made mention of dinner, neighborhood gatherings, lawn sits. I could walk over, he would walk me back. See, how well it fits. I knew he was older than me. His white hair held so much color inside my mind. I love older people in general. In specific, I can often imagine the dynamic, smarter than me for the years, richer and sweeter than me for the seasons. I like to learn and I tire from teaching, it would be a delight. I would have to train him hard in other areas, he could take it.

He called me, left a message. His new neighbor opened up a shop in town, I should pay her a visit, welcome her to town. She sells lingerie he mentioned, I should check out her inventory. I emailed him, could we do that together. On second thought, I went ahead and stepped inside the new store, alone. I visited the new neighbor in our small town manner and when she said that yes, he was a great guy, he had brought his girl friend, his finance in to buy her an outfit, take her to dinner and a concert in her new clothes....I had to agree. He was some guy, a real piece of art. I wondered if his girlfriend, I mean fiance felt the same way he acted. Was he the subject of beauty in that relationship or the switch whizzing through the air smacking me on the back of the neck in our's, a sound in other dreams. How did I become captivated by his attentions?

Normally, I am so off the chart that I cannot tell when they are flirting with me. In this picture, I at least knew that he was tempting my attentions. If I could dominate a cream puff, I would will him to me and teach him a lesson in longing. I would shake him down like they do on the inside and I would feed him Johnny Sacks for days and Texas Food Loaf, special for him. I would nurture him with a Brillo Pad, dripping with olive oil, hot from the fire place.

To go from 21 to 61 in less than a week was enough excitement for me. I am not capable of dominating a cream puff and so even my fantasies fall short for my liking. I asked a friend what she thought. She mentioned her son's Cub Scout leader, a real mench. His wife lost 120 lbs. with surgery and divorced him. He is looking, she assured me. I am keen on Cub Scouts, they know from knots and first aid.